Another great helping of Simons Adventures

Hey there,

I had decided to leave Hurghada on Valentine's Day, despite the promise of a 'big party' that night. "Because it is Valentine's Day we will have girls in Bikinis!" "..."

The bus journey was once again through the Eastern Desert, but my perusal of the dun mountains was disturbed by some klaart who decided I was to be his amusement for the journey. Taking public transport can be a great way to meet locals, and I've had some great conversations with people I've met in this way, but on other occasions you're looking for a bit of peace and quiet which you signify by putting on your walkman (for the kids, that's a clockwork ipod) and gazing wistfully out the window.

"Sit here." - next to him.
"[No, thankyou, I like here]"
"Sit. Here. Better."
"[No, thankyou.]"
"Sitheresitheresitheresithere. [This side better. There is no sun.]"
"[No, thankyou.]"

5 minutes later he moves to sit next to me. We run through the standard conversation which takes 5 to 10 minutes and exhausts my Arabic and his English. I put my walkman back on.

"[Let me listen]"

I give him my headphones. He looks like he might vomit on me.

"[This music very, very bad. Why don't you listen to Egyptian music? What's in your bag?]"
"[My books.]"
"[How many?]"
"[I don't know.]"
"[Show me them.]"

I give him the guidebook to get some peace.

"What is this?" - every Egyptian knows "What is this?" in English, which allows you to imagine how most lessons proceed
"A temple."
"What is this?"
"Another temple."
"What is this?"
"A boat."
"What is this?"
"I don't know."
"What is this?"
"I don't know."
"What is this?"
"I don't know."
"What is this?"
"I don't know."
"What is this?"
"I don't know."
"What is this?"
"I don't know."
"Give me book." - holding it possessively to body.
"[No.]"
"[Why?]" - puts on hurt face.
"Because I need it and you can't read."
"Give me book."
"[No.]" - taking book back.
"Give me water." - I give him some water. "[Your hair too long. Why not have short hair like Egyptians? Your clothes bad. Why not wear galabiyya like Egyptians?]"

At this point I pass him my phrasebook to get him to shut up. In most cases Egyptians like this because they can read the Arabic. It turned out he couldn't, so kept pestering me to read out what it said, then asked me to give him this book as well. At this point I got a bit angry and berated him for a bit in English at which he looked a bit sheepish and said back "[You my friend.]"

One of the best bits of travel advice I've had is always to remember that when someone accosts you and bores you terribly, they're doing it because they are boring, and not because they're Egyptian (or whatever). O've had far worse people annoying me in England. However, I think the form that people's boringness takes is to some extent culturally determined. So, in England, you tend to get tales of the Territorial Army, and other interminable anecdotes and jokes which one look at your face should let your interlocuter know that you really aren't appreciating. In Egypt it tends to be asking you for stuff.

Partly this is no doubt because they're poor, or lonely (in the case of the many girls who get asked if they will be their girlfriend), but it also makes sense of what a Bedouin guy in Sinai had said when I asked why they didn't like the Egyptians, "They are like someone who asks to have a drink at your well one day, and the next day all his friends and relatives are lining up for a drink too."

Certainly there's a taking attitude in Luxor, where almost everyone seems to be out for a bit of Bakhsheesh. I suppose it's inevitable when you have so many rich tourists living alongside a relatively poor population. Having said that I've met some very nice people - ine guy saw me looking lost on the first night whilst I was looking for an ATM and went well out of his way to guide me to one. I bumped into him later and he beckoned me over. I was thinking that now payment was going to be visited upon me, but he only wanted me to help him write an English text to his 'girlfriend' in the UK.

The other aspect that Egyptian bores seem to share nationally is an absolute belief that there is one right way for anything. It's not that they're conservative as we know it - religion pervades their life but they have no idealisation of the past. However, they are convinced that the general way things are is just how things should be, a sort of anti-individualism, in that they can't understand why you'd be different. This seems to explain the general incomprehension that reigns if you don't want to do the accepted tourist thing, or take public transport or a taxi instead of walk. Egyptians have an amzing sense of social cohesion, a strong sense of community, but the pay-off for this seems to be that they submit rather willingly to social convention.

Still, Luxor is great. Once you get past the idea that everyone's trying to take as much money from you as they can, there's some amazing things to see and do. The temple of Medinat Habu is one of the most beautiful temples I've visited, and really peaceful as well. Wandering amongst the still painted pillars and reliefs (admittedly mostly of mutilated corpses and violent encounters) it's often just you and a snoozing attendent. It was certainly preferrable to the temple of Karnak, which, although huge, is a mess of artistic styles and pretty proto-fascist. This temple eventually became so powerful it overthrew the Pharoahs and reigned in their place, until some Libyans prodded them slightly and the state collapsed. Striding through it's gigantic melange, past ram headed sphinxes and towering obelisks, its easy to imagine the empty religious fanatacism that was their downfall. There's no passion or feeling in their art, unlike the earlier ages, it's all bombastic.

I've been to the Valley of the Kings and the Valley of the Queens, but it's mostly repetitive images of the gods all giving their homey a hug and welcoming him to take his place in the immortals. One tomb which stood out was that of Thutmosis III, 'Egypt's Napoleon', who for some reason got his decked out in Hieroglyphy stick-men. It reminded me of either a 30s New Yorker cartoon or a 50s movie title sequence, but 3,000 years old and totally awesome. Other scenes that stand out were a visibly excited mummy enjoying himself over some gods (their reaction not decipherable from my totally basic understanding of Hieroglyphics) and a giant ram headed eagle spreading its wings to emerge from the underworld. If there were any tourgroups you could generally just hold your breathe and vlose your eyes and when you opened them they would be gone - they were on a strict march in march out mission.

I much preferred the tombs of the Nobles and Artisans which, whilst smaller, had a lot more variety and could be enjoyed alone. Here the nobles wanted to be reminded of their parties and how well they'd done in life, and lower class people could be portrayed more realistically, so there's a riot of dancers, musicians, farmers, fishermen and viniers. It was also possible to wander off up a hill and gaze down over the startling temple of Hatshepsut, which is startling in its modernity, nestled at the bottom of limestone cliffs, and looking to all the world like a frank Lloyd Wright.

But one of the nicest things was renting a bike and cycling amongst it all, through sugar cane fields and past weather beaten colossi, waving at people but moving on before they can utter "Come look in my Papyrus shop!" On other occasions I've been taking a back route through fields and been offered a lift on a donkey cart out of the goodness of peoples hearts. Trumbling along through the gorgeous green fields is magical - occasionally getting stuck in a donkey jam and having to get down off the cart to snap some sugar canes and wait. Munching on sugar canes is like sucking sugar out of a chewy straw; I made the mistake of sayiong it was delicious and they ended up feeding me loads of it, which made me want to gip. Too much of a (kind of) good thing, though the Egyptians wolf down whole canes of the stuff, and it's almost the only rhing they drink at the juice shops. Still, away from the tourists all the farmers are friendly as anything and remind you why being in Egypt is great.

One morning I was up before sunset, ferried avross the Nile under cover of darkness, and brought to a field before the Ramasseum. Before us great silk balloons were billowing upwards, jets of flame straining them skyward. It was a great feeling to lift off from the ground, to feel so still and quiet in the dawn air, to see the world yawning hundreds of metres below us. Birds scattered over fields beneath us, the sun splashed rosey hues over temples and mountains, and all was quiet except for a gaggle of excitable Japanese beside me and the occasional roar of the flame. It really gets pretty hot, especially when the pilot desides to slam us on the elevator and roar us up a thousand feet. It was all rather wonderful.

Admittedly another great thing has been getting to hang out with some Westerners. The hostels dirt cheap yet pretty cool, with a lovely roof terrace where they give you free sunset tea, so it attracts all the travellers who are passing through. It's just been nice hanging out with some cool people and having a laugh and a few beers, etc - something that Sudan is unlikely to give much opportunity for.

I've ran the full gamut from grizzled French & Quebecois travellers who were a right laugh, through drunken American students studying Arabic in Cairo and taking some time off, to 2 British Gap Year girls. I never realised how hard it was to have conversations with people who haven't done anything and have no opinions yet, though I am now remarkably well informed about split ends and the best ways of dealing with them, as well as the miracle that is epilation. Actually, that's way too cruel, they were really nice and funny, though the site of a 30-odd year old Canadian fella trying desperately to crack onto them rather turned my stomach.

Other delights I've been revelling in include a great cafe which serves up pots of Earl Grey and giant scones, and a place that does the nicest chicken & tahini I've ever had. Indeed, on about half the days I've been here I've taken a break from anything touristy and just read and relaxed, recgarging the batteries. One thing I haven't been enjoying is the strange omni-presence of Celine Dion's 'My Heart Will Go On' in Luxor, it drifts across it like a poisonous smog. The Quebecois were very apologetic.

But it's time to move on. I think my time in Egypt is running to a close. I'm hopefully going to Aswan tomorrow, where I s h o u l d be able to pick up my Sudanese visa. I'm going to try and get on a Felucca to sail back down the Nile for a bit, before catching the weekly ferry to Sudan, hopefully on March 9th. I'll be sure to send another e-mail before I head off.

Increase the peace, keep smiling,